By: Clare

Clare — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:42:28 +0000

This is a problem I hear about on a far too regular basis. It is like watching family members who join cults and become indoctrinated into the cult leader’s values and rules for living. Sometimes it becomes apparent the woman may believe she has no other options, she may feel so attached to her partner and so incredibly fearful of being alone, or doing life alone that she continually clings to what is good about being with a controlling man. I’m sorry there are no definitive answers to your question. You can pursue the suggestions in the post above and also go back to the post that discusses “Stage 2″ and use some of the suggestions there including gently exploring what she enjoys about her relationship and how she is affected by what she does not enjoy. Always reassure her you are there for her. Part of his game, as you say, is to centre most social contact around his own friends – so I would suggest not giving up. If you back off he has won by succeeding in isolating her further. But at the same time I don’t mean pushing your daughter into actions she does not want to do – I mean letting her know you love her and are there for her, and gently keeping regular supportive contact. Clare

By: debb

debb — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:48:55 +0000

I have a huge worry with my daughter who is 28. She was in an abusive relationship with her fiancee for over 2 years. She finally left him and moved out for about 7 months now. Christmas she was driving back from family and met him and they have been seeing each other ever since. She says he has changed and he is proving to her he has…in the same breath she says she was the crazy obsessed one, again she is the problem. So to me and the remainder of the family he is still the manipulative abuser he always was. At this point we can’t even talk to her about their new found relationship, this is really causing distance between us and we are a VERY close family and her big sister is her best friend and they fight everytime they talk about them getting back together. So far she says she won’t move back in with him at least not for 3 months she says. This is driving my husband and I crazy as well as her sisters! Why would she go back to something that was so horrible. She was verbally abused daily and sometimes physically. He isn’t liked by anyone in the family. He was the typical bully when they were together the first time – only his friends – and very little of her family time. I got calls in the middle of the nights with her screaming and crying from him hitting her and breaking her cell phones, calling her names degrading her over and over again, just horrible! We are in amazement that she is allowing him even back into her life at all much less talking about getting back together. WE are asking Why and What are we to do as parents and sisters to help her and help us as her family. PLEASE SOS !!! A worried and loving Mommy!!!!

Comments on: Women mentally bruised by male partners: How to help Stage 5

By: Clare

By: debb